my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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