I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
