I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
