and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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