Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
