dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
