Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
