she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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