she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
they're like a gay fantastic four
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Your penis caused this!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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