remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
did i just pee glitter
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
