I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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