Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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