also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
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Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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