So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
