i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize