blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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