I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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