Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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