Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
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I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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