Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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