great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
