you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
