dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
