my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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