Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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