What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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