Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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