I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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