i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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