Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
