He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
