It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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