I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
