I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
