So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
