The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
