I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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