So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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