laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
