i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
