gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
