I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
