Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
