The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
