Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
