Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize