Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
