did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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