i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
