Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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