I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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