I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
