Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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