Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
