Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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