Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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