census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
