Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
