as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
