I got chris browned last night
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
