So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
