my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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