i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
