You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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