do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
