you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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