literally had 100 drinks last night.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
