WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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