My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
